when the person you hate tries joking with you
"No matter how bad you fuck up at work, you didn’t fucked up this bad"
brian quit playing games with my heart
one time my dad tripped over some ice and was like ‘this is JUST like the titanic’
is this the same dad that once called you dad
no, that was a different dad. i have thousands of dads that ive synthesised in my home lab in the basement. speaking of that, the three armed one just got out again god damnit
you have never truly lived on the edge until you’ve continued blogging after your laptop has given you the 5% remaining warning and it could cut out at any moment
its going hardcore tonight
Ellen what happened in 1998
ellen degeneres came out in 1997
yeah but ellen what happened in 2014
ellen page came out in 2014
I read this comic 2 days ago and I’m STILL laughing at it
you’re my rock…my dwayne….my johnson
He was a skater goat, he said see you later, goat.
HE WASN’T GOAT ENOUGH FOR HERD
A puppy’s three great loves: tennis balls, the swiffer, and cheese.
"their chicken is really spicy"
"beware, the injera is spicy"
"the water is spicy"
"the air was spicy"
"The staff was very rude"
"The dim sum restaurant didn’t have a menu"
"They gave me chopsticks"
"They asked me to wash my hands before I sat down to eat, something about traditions? I was humiliated"
"The staff didn’t speak English"
"The chair was spicy"
"The ice was spicy"
"Service was great. Food was great. Couldn’t find parking" - 1 star
'my napkins were only one ply. no free breadsticks”- 1/2 star
"the staff was spicy"